For Always, For Ever
by NiamhAileen
Summary: What if Jacob had gone cliff diving with Bella? This story explores one "could have been", if Edward hadn't rushed back to Forks upon learning of her "death". Chapters will get longer soon, please review with opinions. Bella/Jacob, Bella/Edward, family.
1. Determination

**Disclaimer: **I am not Stephenie Meyer and these characters are not my creation.

**Author's Note: **This story starts while Edward is gone in New Moon, just before the cliff jumping incident. In my copy of the book, this story picks up after the scene break on page 352, which corresponds to the start of the second scene in Chapter 15. The first two sentences of this part of Stephenie Meyer's story remain the same, they are in italics below for reference.

* * *

_I woke early the next morning and snuck a change of clothes out to the truck. I had a feeling that Charlie would approve of today's plan just about as much as he would approve of the motorcycle._ That didn't bother me; I knew Charlie just had my best interests at heart.

As I drove down the lonely road to Jake's house, I reconsidered the decision I had made last night. It had to be difficult for Charlie, suddenly becoming responsible for me after so many years as a weekend parent. Added to that, I had certainly not made it easy for him. I was sorry for that and wanted to try to change things. Spending time with Jacob felt good, and I knew that Charlie approved. Lying awake in bed last night I had resolved to try my hardest to get better, to let go of the irrational hope that Edward would some day return.

This morning, I thought about going back on my plan. I still longed desperately to hear Edward's voice. But I had to be strong, for Charlie's sake. He seemed so much happier since I had started spending time with Jacob. I hoped that with time that my desire for Edward to return and my need to hear his voice in my mind would ease and I would be able to move on with my life and make Charlie proud. I was determined to use the upcoming cliff diving adventure to say goodbye to my wonderful hallucinations.

Jacob and I had arranged to meet at his house before heading to the cliffs. As usual, he heard the roar of my truck and was outside waiting for me before I had even stopped completely. He jumped in and flashed me a huge grin.

"Are you ready for this, Bella?" he asked. "Did you change your mind? We can do something else if you want. Maybe we should – "

"Are you kidding? I can't wait!" I interrupted him as I pulled out onto the main road and headed toward the cliffs. "I have been thinking about this all night! Don't you dare back out on me now."

Jacob turned toward me and brought one hand up to gently touch my cheek. "I won't, Bella. I promised you we would do this, and I will always keep my promises."

I glanced at him before bringing my eyes back to the road. His eyes were serious, his grin gone. "Thanks, Jake. I know." I said softly. "I really do want to do this. I just hope I remember how to swim." I tried to smile, trying to cheer him up again.

"Don't worry, Bella, I won't let you drown. Charlie would kill me!" Jacob replied, the grin slowly returning to his face as I pulled off the road and into the parking area below the cliff. We would have to climb up to the top, but that seemed preferable to hiking back up after our cliff jumping experience when we would be wet and cold. After we got out of the car, Jacob suggested I leave my keys under the front tire well so that I would not loose them in the water.

Jacob held my hand firmly as we climbed up the gravel and dirt pathway. He knew my tendency toward clumsiness; normally, it provided him with endless enjoyment to tease me about it. Today, however, he seemed to sense that it was not the right time. His hand felt warm in mine, but I was becoming used to his high body temperature. It was very different from Edward's cold body – but I had to stop comparing them. It wasn't fair to Jacob or to Charlie for me to try to hold on to someone I could not have.

"Bella?" Jacob's worried voice broke through my thoughts. "Are you okay?"

I looked up at him and realized I hadn't heard a word of what he had been saying. "Sorry, Jacob, I guess I was just …" I paused. I didn't want to admit that I had been thinking about Edward. "… worrying about jumping. What if I trip?"

Jacob laughed. "Bella, I don't think even you can mess this up! I'll be right next to you all the way to the edge. It'll be easy, you'll see." He looked at me so eagerly, I couldn't stop smiling back.

"Okay, Jake, I trust you. Let's do it!"


	2. Realization

**Disclaimer**: I am not Stephenie Meyer and these characters are not my creation.

* * *

The view from the top of the cliff was spectacular. Although I had not been thrilled to move to Forks last year, the area had slowly grown on me. It really was beautiful. I could do without the constant drizzle and overcast skies, but I loved being at the coast, wandering along the shoreline and listening to the waves crashing on the rocky beach. I looked out over the water and remembered seeing my first driftwood fire the day I met Jacob. I had been amazed at the colors that were produced by the pale, bleached wood. Jacob and I had walked and talked, and that was when – but no, I couldn't think of that, either. Forgetting my past was going to be more difficult than I thought, but I would just have to try harder. I was determined to succeed. As I came back to the present, I looked up at Jacob, my hand still securely held in his. He smiled down at me and pulled me closer to the edge, reminding me what to do when I jumped.

"Bella, remember, the water will be cold. It's only March, after all; I'm surprised the weather is as warm as it is. This is a safe place to jump from because there are no big boulders under the water here and it's pretty deep. But just in case, try to land in the water feet first. You don't want to actually dive in on your first try. When you surface, head for the shore over there." He pointed to the rocky beach near where we left my truck. "I'll jump in right after you, so if you get into trouble I'll be there. Don't worry!"

I looked down into the water which was swirling gently at the base of the cliff and then looked back up into Jacob's warm brown eyes. His hair hadn't grown back completely since he had cut it short after he first changed into a werewolf, so it hung in a shaggy halo around his face. On impulse, I raised my hands and slid them through his hair, pulling his face down toward mine as I stood on tiptoe. I touched my lips gently to his before pulling back.

"Thank you, Jacob." I whispered.

"For what?" he asked, his eyes locked on mine.

I looked away, embarrassed by my actions. "Just, well, for everything, I guess." I stammered. "I think I'm ready to jump now."

He looked confused and a little bit flustered, then he grinned and let go of my hand. "Have fun, Bella. I'll see you down there. Remember what I told you!" He took a step back from the edge, an encouraging look on his face.

Facing the water once more, my mind filled with that wonderful voice, the one I had been desperate to hear. _"What are you doing, you crazy girl? Get back from the edge!"_ I smiled and took another step closer to the edge of the cliff, being careful not to trip. _"Are you insane, Bella? Do you want to die?!"_ Edward's beautiful voice reverberated through my mind and I welcomed it. If everything went according to plan, I would not hear it again after today, so I treasured this moment. "_Don't do this!"_ I took a deep breath and threw my body out over the water. _"BELLA! How could you do this to me? THIS IS NOT SAFE!"_

I screamed as I felt the warm air pass over my body. I was not afraid; I felt exhilarated. The feeling was wonderful, and I knew it was now time to say goodbye to my voice. This would be the beginning of my new life. In the split second before my body hit the water, I thought, "_Goodbye, Edward. I love you._" The cold water jolted me back to reality. Jacob had warned me, but I hadn't realized it would be this cold. I struggled to bring myself up to the surface of the water, to pull myself toward the shore where I would meet Jacob, but I was confused. I didn't know which way was up, which way to turn. Eyes wide open, I searched through the water for some hint that would tell me which way to go as I thought of Jacob's last words to me. _Remember what I told you_, he had said. But I didn't remember. What had he said? My lungs bursting with the need to breathe, I finally remembered. _I'll be there_. _Don't worry._ But where was he? I caught a glimpse of color above me, something fiery red flickering in the water, and turned toward it. Where had I seen that color before?

Just then, I felt warm arms surround me and pull me to the surface. _Jacob_, I thought with relief. _Jacob is here. He will take care of me, just like he promised_. Comforted, I relaxed into oblivion.

* * *

"…Bella? Can you hear me? Bella?" I heard a familiar voice, but it was hazy, as if he were speaking through cotton wool. I tried to open my eyes but they felt so heavy. I could feel my eyelids flutter but I still could not see. "Bella, it's okay, you're going to be fine." Warm hands smoothed the hair off my forehead and I struggled against the pressure, trying to sit up. "Relax, Bella, please! Just lie still," the voice pleaded. "You need to rest."

I finally recognized that warm, soothing voice. "Jacob," I managed to whisper, as my eyes slowly opened. I looked up into his face, which was pinched with worry. "What happened?" My voice sounded hoarse, but at least I could see again. I looked around and realized that I was on the rocky beach just under the cliffs. Suddenly it all came rushing back. I had jumped off the cliff with Jacob. My wonderful delusion came, shouting at me for being stupid, and I had said goodbye. Somehow I knew that it worked; Edward's voice would not return. "Oh. I remember." I said. "The water was so cold, I didn't know which way was up."

Jacob looked sheepish. "Sorry, Bells. I guess we should have started with regular swimming first so you could get used to the water."

"It's okay, Jake. I wanted to do it. It was worth it, anyway!" I managed a smile as I suddenly started shivering.

Jacob's expression turned worried. "Look, we need to get you warmed up. I was afraid to move you before but now that you are awake – does anything hurt?"

"No, Jake," my voice was getting stronger. "I feel fine, just cold and tired, and a little bit confused. I feel like I'm forgetting something."

"Don't worry about that now, Bella, let's just get you warm." With that, he scooped me up into his warm arms. My body automatically turned into his warm chest. It felt so good after the cold water. It was almost like my own personal fireplace – "Oh!" I gasped. "The fire!"

"What fire?" Jacob was confused but he continued to carry me toward my truck. "There's no fire, Bella."

"I saw it, in the water," I insisted. "Before you – you saved me. It was very familiar, somehow, fiery red, not like a driftwood fire but a regular fire."

We had reached my truck, so Jacob set me down long enough to retrieve my keys from the wheel well. "There is no fire in the water, Bella. Look for yourself." He pointed out to sea as he helped me into the passenger seat. "Maybe you imagined it."

"Jacob, I know I didn't." I was sure of it. I had to be. "It was so pretty. It moved strangely, like fire, or like hair floating, drifting with the current." As soon as I said it, I knew. Jacob's eyes locked on mine and I saw that he did, too.

"Victoria," he breathed. "She was there."


	3. Control

**Disclaimer**: I am not Stephenie Meyer and these characters are not my creation.

**Author's Note:** Thank you to everyone who has read this story so far. I am having a lot of fun writing it! I'm really excited about where this path is going to take Bella and I can't wait to share it with you, but I would love to hear from more of you to know if I should keep going. This chapter is longer than the first two and I think that is a good thing. The next few chapters should be just as long. Unfortunately this also means they take longer to write so I might not be able to finish the next one until Sunday. It will depend on whether we go skiing this weekend or not.

* * *

Jacob pushed my truck to its limits, his hands tightly gripping the steering wheel. He was angry, and I could tell how hard he was trying to stay calm. In the cramped cab of my truck, I knew it would be bad if he lost control. There simply wasn't room for me and a werewolf. An image of Emily's scarred, once-beautiful face flashed through my mind and I quickly started to talk, trying desperately to get him to relax.

"Jacob, it's okay! Nothing happened, I am fine. You have got to calm down before you rip me to shreds. Victoria didn't even come near me, there is no way she would ever –" Jacob gave a low growl and I realized that I shouldn't have mentioned her name. I changed the topic quickly. "The cliff jumping was really awesome, Jake! I can't wait to do it again. I'm glad you were there to pull me out, of course, but now I am better prepared for the cold water and I won't need your help next time. It was so much fun falling through the air, I totally get why you guys do it so much. Maybe next time we can wait for a sunnier day, though, so it will be warmer." His breathing was starting to become less forceful and his grip on the steering wheel loosened. I continued talking, "Are we going to Emily's? Do you think she'll make breakfast? I didn't eat anything before I came over this morning and I'm starving. Maybe there will be muffins!"

As I babbled away, I realized my body was still chilled due to my wet clothes. The dry clothes I had brought was sitting on the floor of the cab, but I wasn't about to change in front of Jacob. Instead, I slid across the seat closer to him. He had stripped off his shirt, so he had dried off more quickly than me. Even after hauling me out of the cold water, he still radiated heat. I leaned against him and sighed with relief. "You're so warm, Jake."

Much calmer now, he looked down at me and took one hand off the steering wheel to wrap an arm around me and pull me in closer. "I didn't mean to scare you, Bella. I'm sorry I got so upset. I'm glad you're okay, really I am, but I am angry with the pack. They were supposed to be keeping an eye on things to make sure that bloodsucker couldn't get near you. So yes, we are going to Emily's. Hopefully someone from the pack will be there. I don't know if she has muffins but I'll be sure you get something to eat." As he talked, he ran his hand over my hair, smoothing it down. "You'll have to change into dry clothes, too."

I snuggled closer to his warm body, suddenly feeling exhausted. I guess my near-drowning had been more tiring than it first seemed. "Okay, Jake," I murmured as my eyelids closed again.

* * *

"Wake up, Bella, we're here!" I blinked my eyes and sat up. As soon as I did, a chill ran through my body and I realized my clothes were still wet. I looked out of the truck window and saw Emily's cottage, which looked cheerful despite the overcast sky. Jacob noticed me shiver and he pulled me into his arms again, climbing out of the truck at the same time.

"Jake, what are you doing?" I protested. "I can walk!"

"You're freezing, Bells, and you've had a big scare. Let me get you inside so you can change your clothes and warm up. It's no big deal." He grabbed my pile of dry clothes and slammed the truck door. How could I have forgotten how strong he was now? Of course it was no big deal. I sighed and pressed closer to his warmth for the short walk to the door.

Jacob didn't bother knocking; he just called out as he carried me in to the cottage and set me down, keeping me close to his side. "Sam? Embry? I know you're in here. We need to talk right this minute. Get out here!" he practically snarled, but he did not tighten his hold on me so I knew he was still in control.

Sam appeared in the living room doorway and headed toward the kitchen. I could hear Emily and Embry laughing, and something smelled fantastic. I was hoping Emily would share.

Jacob let me go and handed me my clothes. "The bathroom is through there," he gestured, "why don't you join us in the kitchen after you've had a chance to change your clothes?"

"But Jake, I want to –" I protested.

"Bella, just go change. I promise you won't miss anything," he insisted. I knew arguing would be pointless so I hurried to the bathroom. I stripped off my wet clothes and quickly dried myself off, hoping to get to the kitchen before the real discussion started. When I heard the raised voices, I realized it didn't matter. I could hear everything just fine. I listened carefully as I dressed.

"What do you mean, you let Jared have the morning off?" Jacob shouted. "That's not okay! This is Bella's life we're talking about. I promised her she would be safe, that we would look after her, and now you are telling me that you trusted Paul on his own? What did Jared have to do that was so important he couldn't stick around?"

"He had to sleep, Jake!" Sam shouted back. "We can't keep up at this pace and you know it. We need to rest sometime or we're going to start making mistakes. I knew you would be with Bella, so I let Jared catch up on some sleep."

I heard Embry join in as I headed for the kitchen. "It's too much for him, Jake. He's still new at this. It's not easy for all of us like it is for you. Don't be ridiculous. Bella was never in danger."

"That filthy bloodsucker was right next to Bella, what do you mean she was never in danger? She could have been killed!" Jacob's fists were clenched, his eyes flashing with anger. Sam and Embry looked just as upset, and Emily was nowhere to be found. I didn't blame her, especially since she had firsthand experience of what it was like to be too close to a werewolf when he changes. I had to do something before someone got hurt.

Wrapping my arms around my still chilled body, I walked into the kitchen. "But I wasn't, Jacob. You were there, and I am fine." At the sound of my voice three heads whipped toward me; they had been so absorbed in their own argument that nobody noticed my entrance.

Jacob looked pained. "Bella," he held out a hand to me. "I am really sorry. I should have known better."

I stayed where I was, suddenly furious. "I am not your responsibility, Jacob! I get that you are trying to help, but I don't need your help. I managed to stay alive for 17 years on my own, you know."

"But Bella," Jacob began, "you know that's not fair. You didn't have a bloodsucker trying to kill you for the last 17 years. This is what we do, why we are here. If I have to be a werewolf, you can at least let me do my job." He looked at me earnestly. "Let me – us – protect you, Bella."

I couldn't bear that he was so willing to fight my enemy. "It's too dangerous! You can't risk your life for me, not yours, not Embry's or Paul's or Jared's or Sam's. It's not your fault that Victoria is after me, and I am not your responsibility. If you want to protect your families, your tribe, then by all means go ahead. But you will not risk your life for ME. I don't deserve it." My voice broke as I turned and headed blindly for my truck. Before I left the kitchen, I noticed Jacob's mouth hanging open in shock. Embry and Sam had similar expressions on their faces too. I had to get out of here, before I did something even more embarrassing.

Halfway to my truck I realized that I didn't have my keys. Rather than ask Jake for them, I just kept walking. It was 15 miles to Forks from here, but I could call Charlie from the village shop. If I told him my truck had broken down, I was sure he would come get me. He wouldn't need to know the real reason I needed a ride.

As I walked down the lane to the main road an image of Jacob's face flashed through my mind. He had looked so hurt, so sad. I told myself I was doing the right thing, I couldn't put him at risk too. He was like an eager puppy, overconfident in his abilities. He was no match for Victoria, even with the help of the pack. Besides, I didn't even really know the other pack members. Why should they risk their lives for me? Caught up in my thoughts, I didn't even notice the footsteps coming up behind me. Someone grabbed my arm from behind and I whirled around only to come face to face with Jacob.

"Just what do you think you are doing?" he said angrily.

"Going home!" I answered defiantly, trying to pull my arm away.

"Bella, weren't you listening to a damn thing we said? It isn't safe! Victoria could be out there. At least let me drive you home." His grip was firm as he pulled me back toward my truck and handed me a small bag filled with muffins. "And here, eat something. You said you were hungry. Emily made them fresh this morning."

I threw the muffins back at him, not surprised when he caught the bag. His reflexes were really good since he had become a werewolf. "No thanks, Jake. I told you I don't need your help. I can look out for myself."

He stopped and turned toward me. "But you can't, Bella. He never should have left you." He said angrily. My eyes widened as I realized who he was referring to and he cursed under his breath. "He got you in to this mess, he and that bloodsucking family of his provoked Victoria to come after you, and then they just left." His voice was full of scorn. I could do nothing but stare at him as he continued. "Bella, it's not your fault you're in this mess, but you can't change the facts. Edward is not coming back, and there's a vampire trying to kill you."

I couldn't bear it anymore. My legs suddenly felt weak and I could feel the color draining from my face. It was such a strange sensation, one I had never felt before. Something in my face must have concerned Jacob because he cursed again before catching my body as it began to collapse to the ground. I clung to him desperately, struggling to breathe, to focus on what he was saying. I could only hear the echo of his voice, repeating over and over again in my mind. _"Edward is not coming back."_ Even though he was only telling me what I already knew, it was still painful to hear the truth. Logically, I had known Edward was not coming back. He had told me that himself. _"It will be as if I never existed,"_ he had said. But there was a part of me – not a small part – that had pretended it was all a mistake. Maybe I had been so willing to say goodbye to my hallucinations because I was still hoping for the impossible. If I just lived my life, and tried my hardest to be normal again, he would come back for me. Jacob's words ruined that possibility. I knew he was right, and it was as if the world came crashing down on me again.

"Bella, breathe," he said frantically. I hadn't realized I was holding my breath. "I promise, Bella, I'll take care of you. We'll catch Victoria and you won't ever have to worry again. We won't let her get near you, not again. I'll be here with you. Please, don't worry." I dimly realized that he thought I was just scared of Victoria. He couldn't know what I was thinking, the terrible pain that gripped my heart. "Bella, please!"

I struggled to break through the fog that filled my thoughts. Dimly, I realized that Jacob was bringing me back to Emily's cozy house. She met us at the door and I heard voices talking softly, but I couldn't make out what they were saying. I felt myself being lowered and then Jacob's warmth left me. Emily sat next to me on the couch, holding my hand and looking at me with a concerned expression.

"Bella, you have got to snap out of this," she said firmly. "Jacob is really worried about you. I know you don't believe him, but maybe you'll believe me. The pack are really strong, Bella. They'll never let Victoria get near you. You have to let them look after you, it's what they do. I worry about Sam, too, you know," she confided. "But trust me, they'll be fine. Nothing can hurt them. They told me how easy it was to take out Laurent, it only took two of them!"

I found my voice and was finally able to speak. "That's – that's not it, Emily," I whispered. "I mean, yes, I'm worried about them, but – Edward's gone, Emily. I need him, and he's gone. He should be the one protecting me, not Jacob, not strangers like Jared and Paul." I felt like crying but the tears would not come, so I just laid there on the couch, my face turned away.

"Oh, Bella," Emily sighed. "I'm sorry, but that's not fair to the pack. They care about you too, you know, Jacob especially. Because of the way the pack communicates, they all feel like they know you now. I know he's not Edward, but he can protect you." She lowered her voice. "Besides, Jacob needs you, Bella. Please let him take care of you."

I finally looked up at her. My heart still ached; it felt like a piece was missing. "I don't know how, Emily. I don't know how to be whole without _him_. It's not fair to Jacob"

"You have to move on, Bella. I know it's not easy. Did Jacob ever tell you about Sam and Leah?" I nodded slowly. "She hated me at first, and how could I blame her? I stole her man. Not intentionally, of course, but the end result was the same." She let go of my hand and stood up, walking over to gaze out of the window before continuing. "It took weeks before she could stand to look at me again, and I was too ashamed to be in the same room with her. But finally, we both realized that it wasn't helping. Neither of us could change what had already happened, but we could control how we responded. We both decided to move on, Bella. We put the past behind us, and now we look forward to the future." She looked at me. "We're not as close as we were, but we're friends again. I know that her forgiveness means the world to Sam. It's taken a lot of hard work from us all, but in the end, we're friends, we can move forward, and that's important. That's what matters. I think Jacob can help you, too, Bella, if you'll let him. Let him look after you, let him be strong for you. Nothing will ever replace Edward, but moving on will ease the pain."

Looking at Emily's scarred face, I knew she was right. If she could forgive Sam, if Leah could forgive Emily, I could try to forgive Edward. Wasn't I better off this way, anyway? At least he had decided he didn't want me anymore before I was changed – but no, Emily was right. I had to move on. I wouldn't think about that anymore. That future was lost to me. I was once again determined to forget, to leave my past behind. I would take control of my life and move forward. "Thanks, Emily." I sat up on the couch. "I guess I had better talk to Jacob."

She smiled gently at me. "I'll go get him. Take all of the time you need – Sam and Embry have gone off to look for Victoria again, and I have some chores to do in the kitchen."

* * *

Jacob walked into the living room, eyeing me warily. I took a deep breath and patted the couch next to me, trying to smile. "Please sit down, Jacob. There are some things I would like to say to you."

He sat down, leaving plenty of space between us. "Okay," he said, waiting patiently.

Well, here goes, I thought. I wasn't sure exactly what I would say but once I opened my mouth the words came tumbling out. "Jacob, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. You were right, about all of it." His eyes locked on to mine, flashing with surprise. "He's not coming back, and I can't fight against a vampire. Emily helped me see that. It's not fair to ask this of you but there's nobody else I can ask. Please help me. Please keep me safe. I'll be good, I promise. No more running away, no more stupid stunts. I'll even stick around La Push if that makes things easier for you. I don't want you and the pack to do anything stupid, but you were right. I can't do it on my own." I raised my hand to touch his cheek. "Please, Jacob. I need your help."

A quick grin flashed across his face and suddenly he was wrapping his arms around me. "I knew it!" he said. "Don't worry, Bells, we won't let that bloodsucker near you again. We'll have her in no time!" Joyfully, he touched his lips to mine before pulling away to gloat again. "This is going to be great!"

Without thinking, I reached for him. I brought his face back to mine. His lips were soft, and he was so warm. I gasped slightly before relaxing into him, enjoying his warmth. He shifted me closer to him as he deepened the kiss before slowly pulling away. "That was nice," he whispered softly, kissing the top of my head.

"It was," I murmured in agreement, feeling truly content for the first time in months. It seemed Emily was indeed right, I thought, before looking up at Jacob. "Do you mind if we just sit here for a minute?" I asked hesitantly.

"Of course, Bella," he responded. "Sam and the others will be back soon, I'm sure, but for now why don't you rest?"

Rest sounded wonderful after the emotional rollercoaster I had been on this morning. I tucked my head against his chest. "That sounds like a good idea," I said.

Jacob chuckled softly and I could hear the rumble deep in his chest. "I'm glad you had that talk with Emily, Bella. You seem to be a lot more reasonable now."

Glancing at him shyly, I responded, "She just helped me put things in perspective. I've been having some trouble with that lately, I guess." I narrowed my eyes slightly before continuing. "You're not completely off the hook, you know. But we'll discuss that further when the others are here, too."

"Sure, Bella," he smiled. "Whatever you say."


End file.
